On Monday night, just before 7pm,we received an email that our kids' ​school had just suspended our daughter for two days, effective immediately.

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A little background: our daughter is six, and struggles with emotion regulation. She's a super bright kid, crazy insightful, very creative and enthusiastic across the spectrum of the arts, affectionate with friends and family, largely very friendly, and so on. All parents say that. But still.

In Australia, when we could finally get a paediatric appointment, the doctor felt there was no condition to diagnose and that it was all likely behavioural stuff we could work through and a general delay in emotional maturity, which isn't super uncommon. And for context, I myself struggle with the same issues, and also have ADHD to boot. ​

Now, our school, a relatively expensive private bilingual school, knew all this. We were abundantly clear in our application, and they asked all the right questions, seemingly committed and even eager to help her.

The reality has fallen well short of the promise.

Her teacher is fairly new and has a grasp of English that I'd suggest isn't on par with what a bilingual teacher should have. Their experience with kids requiring greater care also seems... Well, I'd say our daughter is likely the first potentially neurodiverse child this teacher has worked with. They seem completely incapable of any warmth or empathy. Certainly not in any conversations we've had with them. Maybe it's us, who knows. There's a teacher's assistant in the class, who happens to be married to the principal, and she's not much to talk about either.

Our teachers back in Australia, at a public school no less, were all outstanding in their professionalism and compassion and experience, I can say that! ​

Whatever the case, this has led to the whole situation becoming exacerbated, with our daughter now hitting the teachers ​and classmates, and then running out of class — all of which is no small issue and obviously can't be allowed to go on.

So, knowing full well that our daughter lacks the conscious ability, the literal chemical configuration, to properly tackle the emotions she's dealing with, and that we're doing everything we can, their short-term (we hoped) solution was to suspend her — and we were informed not through a thoughtful meeting or phone call, but a cold and formal letter the night beforehand, signed only by the teacher, ​as though they're a middle manager dismissing some unknown worker drone in the warehouse.

Funnily enough, the email came the day before a scheduled meeting that had been in the calendar since the previous week, ​with the school's psychologist. (Who, so far, has shown hints of a similar lack of experience. He's quite young.)​

It's just so bloody appalling. I absolutely get that the school has a responsibility to the teachers and other students, but we're talking about a six-year-old. The impact this sort of thing can have on a kid's psychological development and educational journey is pretty well documented, and when you're talking about a kid who is clearly unable to access her senses when she's in a meltdown, what the hell does a suspension accomplish?

They asked us to use this time to speak with her.

Do they think we don't already speak with her every single morning and evening about school? For crying out loud. This isn't a new development, we haven't been ignoring it!

I'm just beyond appalled. The whole thing stinks of an underprepared school hoping it can skate by with never having to deal with neurodiverse kids with needs.

Of course, we've been trying to get a paediatrician or psychologist appointment here, but it's no easier than it is in Australia. ​

Christ I'm exhausted with this school, and it's barely been a month.

Tuesday night update: all's well? Well...

Well, good-ish news. In Australia, a suspension is pretty serious and goes on your education record. Here in Germany, or at least at our school, it just means a time out. Could've done with that detail a little earlier...

Still, we got the notice at 7pm the night before the suspension, ignoring the fact we're immigrants and have no family here so it would mean unexpectedly phoning in sick. Luckily I work for myself!

Then there's the cold tone of the notice, the fact it was only signed by her teacher, the fact that a meeting or phone call would've been better — and in fact, we already had a meeting scheduled for today, even before we got the notice!

All of this means we spent Monday night in a very bad state, both of us in tears, and looking for new schools all night — which also meant the kids had to go through an evening of upsetting vibes, too.

Oh and then, when my wife was at the meeting (I stayed home with our daughter), they were asking for suggestions on how to help her our little girl — not in the "you're her parents" way, ​but in the "we're fucking useless, please help" way — and wanted to know all about what her (surprisingly much better) public school in Australia did to handle things so well.

Jesus, is this Germany's first neurodiverse kid?

Meanwhile, my wife asked multiple times what their experience and strategies are, and they mumbled through all of it. (She recorded the whole thing for me.) Fuck me!

So, we're not leaving, but they're sure as shit getting a sternly worded email from me. Absolutely furious.